je suis un bébé requin,
and this is a photo journal of a previous life.
dimanche 18 janvier 2015
Purely Plantonic, dear Rome.
Can you fall in love with a city? I think I just did. I met a wise man on the weekend who told me ‘my life is in Milan, but my heart is in Rome’. A few moments later he attempted to kiss me which I politely refused, but that is a story for another recollection of my thoughts. Until a few months ago, I could have said with confidence that my heart was in Strasbourg, but as time passes, people fade in and out of your life, and you as a person change.

I don’t have someone that I particularly like in Rome, but I feel that it really does have so much history and culture to offer, and for that, I thank it profusely. The people are so charismatic, the food is incomparable without exception (and I myself like to think that I am somewhat of a foodie), and the men in this city are oh so flirtatious!

In the past months, I have started to fall out of love with people, and more in love with places and times. Friendship is so important to me, and I believe that if I was to give my life to only one person, it would not be fair on all of the other relationships in my life. Perhaps I will encounter someone that I will want to give up everything for, but if I take the last 25 years of experience as a statistic - it seems that it’s unlikely. Relationships are complicated, and they generally lead to a great deal of pain, suffering, arguments, and unrequited love by one party. 

A great friend told me that you have to deal with your own pile of crap each day when you’re in a relationship, and take it. It astounds me when I look at an old couple, and they still hold hands, are still in love. I have never had that, but if I do decide to be with but one person for my whole life, I want it to last. In that case, I will give my life to them, and would love to say that I would give up my life for them, but again, perhaps the media has portrayed only extreme cases, and I am doomed, perhaps I will never have this. It must be such a large commitment to wake up and love someone each day, over and over, for the rest of your life. You are no longer one person, but two, conjoined.

Here, I jump to marriage, but when I talk about long term relationships, this is what that is for me. I want to be passionate about my partner, and look forward to seeing them each and every time, that is, if I have one. I ask myself, do I have the gift of singleness? Perhaps I do. I feel like my heart is covered in too much pain to allow itself to open to someone. I haven’t let myself love for a long time, and part of me doesn’t want to.

I shouldn’t be so quick to combine love and relationships though. In many cases there is one without the other. I may give my heart to one, and my body and time to another. In a Utopic world though, this is all mixed into the same pot of tea.

I was in the airport the other day, and saw an couple, perhaps in their 40’s, who were fighting, their young child in tow. It must be difficult for that child. I myself have vague memories of my parents fighting, and asking them to stop. The crazy thing seems to be that these two people were once happy. They courted each other, decided to get married, and then have been together so long, that they now have a 7or so year old child. That equates to at least (from my naïve calculations) at least 10 years (in an normal case). 10 years with someone… wow, just.. wow.

I want to ask… why do we bother? Why do we bother to hurt ourselves, or rush into a relationship so quickly. I believe we are like sheep, and once we see other friends doing the deed, we must too. This isn’t so friends! Please don't be with someone for the sake of being with them. Love them to love. Your love is a gentle and delicate thing, don’t give it away too easily.

So 2015, you are lucky as you are not a person. It is the first time that I have thought ‘this year is going to be a great year’. I have never been one to make a resolution list, but as I start to think more about life, I understand more what type of person I want to be, and how I am going to achieve this.

I have never been much of a writer myself, but this year, perhaps things will change. Heck, let’s admit, I write this blog for myself. My followers consist of a few creepy guys that send me the occasional strange message (Hello to you!), my sister and a handful of friends. Well, this one is for you. Perhaps my writing skills will allow me to charm you even more.

You have to deal with problems on a daily basis, and still love the person.

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