Recipe of love.
1 Demi Poulet
Sel, Poivre to taste.
enjoy with family and friends.
I am coming back on the train now from Angouleme, catching the 16h24 to Monparnasse, and then changing to Strasbourg. You know, i dont even care that people see me cry anymore. I tried to hide it before, but i am crying so much now, i feel bare without tears on my cheeks.
Antoine took me in for the weekend. I would like to say i had such a good weekend, but that doesn't mean i wasn't sad that you weren't there. your group of friends are some of the nicest guys i have ever met, no jokes. You are so lucky to have had a bunch of friends like them: Antoine, quatre-neuf, Loic Mimi, Loic Duj, Le Jar, Paul et Xav.
When I got off the train on Friday night, my feet wouldn't move from under me as i dragged myself off that train. I stood on the platform for a few minutes, breathing heavily, knowing that you weren't there to see me. that you weren't there to meet me anymore. That feeling was one of emptiness, one that i don't want to ever experience again Yann. For awhile, i didn't even want to go and visit your tomb you know, I wanted to throw up on that station, then turn around, and go all the way back to Strasbourg, but i knew that wouldn't accomplish anything. I told myself to get on with it, but my body just didn't want to. It was so difficult to go to a station that i usually met YOU at. It was so hard to know that i was going, but i was going, to say goodbye to you.
I finally met Antoine though, and it was good to see a friendly face, to know that other people knew how i felt. This weekend, Antoine's family were so wonderful to me. Antoine had cooked me a home made dinner, ready for my late arrival, 22h15 on a friday night; veal in a creamy mushroom sauce with diced potatoes. His hospitability was incredible, and i know that you would have said that he went over the top for me. A creamy mushroom sauce. (I know!! I thought the same thing when i saw it.) Do you remember that weekend last year, when we were in oleron? All we ate were crepes... for the entire weekend, imagine when i saw This meal then!) That afternoon, he had sent me a message telling me he was going to cook me dinner, and i wondered what a french 23 year old male was going to, wait no, COULD cook.
His parents (and Jar's too) are into Bio cuisine, non genetically modified foods... but i am sure that you know that. His mum showed me what purple garlic is, her ceramic collection, told me why you shouldn't buy carrots from the supermarket, and explained why she bought meat from the seller himself. His dad gave me a bottle of home made apple juice (that i forgot at his house), and showed me all the work that he had done around the pool area. His family really are incredible.
The next day we went to visit your grave. That was definitely difficult. Especially seeing as i knew i was standing so close to you, but you were buried underneath me, and i couldn't see your face, i couldn't say hello... I had to finally face that you were gone... for good. Actually being at that site was so emotionless. Your gravestone hadn't been finished, all that was there was cement. I left the letter i had written to you, at antoine's house. I am so sorry that i didn't put i on your grave, but antoine told me that next time he goes to visit, he'd put it on the side, so you Will get to read it, don't worry.
Afterwards, we went to the beach, that one that you took me and Jen to last year, and we kicked a ball around on the sand. Then,, we went to le Chateau, and saw where you went camping with your boys in 2005. I am glad i was there to listen to their stories about you, and all the fun that you had that year.
That night, we had dinner at Jar's house. Have you seen the photo of him when you walk up the stairs of his house? I am not joking when i tell you it is the funniest primary photo that i have ever seen. I know you'd agree. He is wearing Urkle glasses, and has the cheesiest grin i have ever seen, slapped across his face. What a goofy looking boy. We ordered in pizzas, and at them together; Antoine, Duj, Jar and myself. We were watching some awful tv program at the same time, and i know you would have screamed to turn it off, that it was complete trash, but you're probably right. Even if it was hilarious.
Afterwards, we played a round of time is up. I am going to take that back to strasbourg to play with the girls. I know you would like that. (Just so that i remember for later, i am going to explain it back to you. I know that you would be grinning at me and all of my mistakes as i try to explain this to you. Alright, so, before the game starts, everybody gets 5 pieces of paper, and writes down the names of 5 well known people on them. Then, all the pieces of paper are put in a bowl as you're split into teams. There are 4 rounds, each of which gets harder.The first round, you have 30 seconds to explain to your team mates who the person is, without saying their name. The aim is to try and get through as many people as possible in that time. The second round, you can only say one word to explain the person. The third round, you use actions, but have 45 seconds, and the last round, you use only one pose. That made me smile, because your boys pronounce english names in such a funny way. Uma Thurmann.. Angelina Jolie.
Afterwards, we all trekked back to Antoine's house (which is hardly down the road like he made it out. It is about 20 minutes away. Oh, d'être dans la compagne. We played Loup Garou from midnight until 5am in the morning. I laughed at their innocence, at the fact that they could be so entertained by a game that takes 10 minutes to play... for literally hours on end. I know if you were there, you would have enjoyed the game just as much as them; Cupidon, Loup Garou, Villagois, Sorcerière, Voyant, (The wood cutter, Coulleur?) et la Petite Fille.. & le narreteur. Oh yann, such a simple game. I love your friends so much.
Last night, neuf-quatre stayed over, and Antoine, his family and the both of us all at lunch together. (Oh, the pommes de terres, the poulet, the poisson and the legumes: carottes, poivreaux, echalottes... maïs, haricots rouge, salade... ils cuisinent comme des bêtes, je rigole pas, vraiment... c'était vachement bon.)
Yann, I know that if you were here, you'd tell me not to cry, to "bouge mon boule". That life goes on.
You were someone that loved to party, as neuf-quatre said, you take everything as it comes, and que t'as profité de la vie. I know you can't understand my letters when i write in english, but if you were here, you know well and true that i would sit there and talk to you, that I wouldn't need to write, that i would translate all this to you.
I know you want me to stop crying, to smile, to be happy, but please, just let me cry a little bit more. I miss you so much, and your friends this weekend reminded me just how great you are. How close you are as a group. If you saw me, saw the state of me, you'd hit me on the back, and tell me that i was stupid, to stop being so sad.
You know, I laughed a little inside, when i met antoine at the station, and again when neuf-quatre dropped me off. I wanted to hug them and tell them how much they reminded me of you. I wanted to tell them that i had missed them, that i will miss them until i see them next time... but as per usual, we did as the french do, and gave a kiss on the cheek. When i went to hugged them, they were surprised and tensed up... they didn't know how to hug back, as usual, which made me chuckle.. I know you would have hugged me, you know what you're supposed to do!! and i miss that so much.
Yann, they do exactly like you. All weekend, they corrected my french when i mispronouced a word, or when i struggled with a sentence, they would help me with the words. I tried to ask them what a stove top was, and that took absolutely ages. This afternoon after lunch, you know, they even sat down and helped me with my french homework over some fancy teas that Antoine's mum had bought, and tonnes and tonnes of dark chocolate that his dad likes.
Of course i miss you, but i am going to be strong. Your friends remind me of you so much Yann. That makes me smile inside. It is getting easier each day, and now that i have been able to spend a weekend with them, without you, i am so happy to be saying my last goodbyes, to know i have met some absolutely fabulous new friends.
I miss you so much, and i don't think i can ever come to terms with what happened, but your friends are now mine, and i have met boys that remind me so much of you, and remet some others, like mignon. (I haven't seen him since troisieme! How times change.)
This weekend, when i listened to Rap, Reggae and Ragga, when i sat with these boys... that weren't trying to get something out of me, from my english.. that didn't mind just talking... when i was just hanging out with your friends... i felt so at home, so at ease. Your friends are so great, just like you, and i can definitely see why you all got along so well.
Antoine told me that he, Mimi and neuf-quatre spoke at your funeral. I am so sorry i wasn't there, i am sorry that i wasn't one of those 150 that got to say their last goodbyes that day. You know, this afternoon, I asked what neuf-quart did during the weekend, and he said he always used to go out with you in La Rochelle. Now, what is he going to do during the weekends. He no longer has any potes to go out with on the weekend in La Rochelle. Yann, I am going to try and be such a good friends to your friends. Neuf-Quatre told me that he can't go out anymore. Everytime he goes to a bar, to a pub, he thinks of you, and that hurts. I know how he feels. You taught me french, and it is so hard to say something without thinking of you. Yann, i remember when i went back to australia, you wrote me an email, and when i replied, you'd told me how much i had lost my french. I don't want it to be a gaspillage. I don't want to have learnt all of this for nothing, but you know well and true that it is going to take some time before i can speak french without thinking of you. He told me i can talk to him whenever i want, about you. He gave me his email and everything. You would have bagged him out so much the way he did it. I wish you were there to have seen it.
You know, Antoine and Duj are moving out at the end of March. They've found an apartment in South Angouleme together. I want to send them a housewarming gift. Their first present by mail. Wouldn't that be cool? I am going to put some vegimite in, and some other cool strasbourgie things. That will be cool.
Yann, thankyou for everything that you have taught me, that you have shown to me. You were such a good friend, and not even this letter can express how much i am going to miss you. This weekend, i took photos of all of the boys, to add to my wall back in Strasbourg. I took a photo of you too. I hope you don't mind. Your boys will remind me of you, when i look at them.
You know, you were so gross with long hair and yellowed fingers from all the tobacco you smoked. You lived in a boat and made your own alcohol: rum with strange mixtures. honey, walnuts, coffee beans. You blew fire, you were kind and patient. I am going to miss you so, so much. Not only is it hard to speak french anymore without thinking of you, but every day i wake up and try to hold my tears back.
It is getting easier, it is. Yann, i am going to miss you so much, don't forget that mister. This letter is one of hope, of smiles and happiness, because i know that is what you want. I am not hurt anymore, but can smile because i now know the friends that you left behind, because i have so many happy memories with you, and because i know you don't want me to cry anymore.
forever, and a few days on top of that.
Voile Poitou Charentes
Nous avons la tristesse de vous faire part du décès de Yann B---.
Yann, après sa formation Brevet d'Etat Voile à La Rochelle a encadré dans plusieurs clubs du département et a, en 2010, contribué au développement de la Voile Itinérante avec le CDV17, en y apportant toute l'énergie, la motivation , le savoir-faire et la bonne humeur qui le caractérisaient.
Il était unanimement apprécié de tous, nous souhaitons lui manifester une dernière fois la preuve de notre sympathie.
L'équipe du CDV17