An entry that has taken a few days to finally write...
I've never felt so hollow. These are the last of the tears i'll cry for you. My pillow has never heard so many screams. The dampness of my sheets comfort me. My voice hoarse, I reassure myself that you don't hate me. That one day, i'll be able to talk to you, but until that day comes, I am shutting myself off from you. My heart can't take this anymore. Eyes puffy, I look into the mirror at the shell i have become, i feel so hollow.
I won't open my heart this easily again. Your words have only made me stronger, but you must become first weaker to become stronger... I may be weak, but one day I will stop seeing these shadows, stop feeling so sad. I am not depressed, i am just mourning the end of a relationship. Relationships were never supposed to end. We are not in a perfect world, which is why we can not be together.
I cannot bare to move, the screams that have come from my lips tonight were inhuman. I don't think have ever made noises like that before. Nor will i again, because what has happened is unnatural. I will never put myself in this situation again.
The sadness is stopping, as I am overcome with these realisations. My stomach wants to vomit, my head wants to stop spinning. My bed, tired from having to cradle and console me, strokes my hair telling me it it will all be alright. 'Get up K' it murmurs from the sheets. 'Everything is going to be fine, you need some time to shed your tears, but get up before this consumes you...'
I'll miss you for a long time to come, but I am going to get over this. I have finally become at peace with you. I was searching for closure, and I received it through God's grace. I am not deserving of the Love that i have received, but it only allows me to be reminded that I am to live this life in a way that is pleasing to him, which no human can take away.
Not only am I losing a lover, but a Best Friend.
As i cry out one last time to be comforted, the clouds seem to be parting, I take one last breath from this cave i have trapped myself in, and step outside. Everything is going to be fine, just fine.